{"id":2262,"date":"2009-04-23T16:07:13","date_gmt":"2009-04-23T15:07:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.zeit.de\/joerglau\/?p=2262"},"modified":"2009-04-23T16:07:13","modified_gmt":"2009-04-23T15:07:13","slug":"interview-mit-einem-pakistanischen-taliban","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.zeit.de\/joerglau\/2009\/04\/23\/interview-mit-einem-pakistanischen-taliban_2262","title":{"rendered":"Interview mit einem pakistanischen Taliban"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>W\u00e4hrend die Taliban die Entspannungspolitik der pakistanischen Regierung im Swat-Tal offenbar als Aufforderung betrachten, nun <a href=\"http:\/\/www.dawn.com\/wps\/wcm\/connect\/dawn-content-library\/dawn\/news\/pakistan\/nwfp\/eight-fc-platoons-dispatched-to-buner-hs\">auf Islamabad vorzur\u00fccken<\/a>, versuchen die s\u00e4kular gesinnten Teile der pakistanischen \u00d6ffentlichkeit ihren Galgenhumor zu behalten.<\/p>\n<p>Ein Beispiel aus der Tageszeitung &#8222;<a href=\"http:\/\/dawntravelshow.com\/dblog\/2009\/04\/23\/lord-of-flog\/\">Dawn<\/a>&#8222;, die in Karatschi erscheint.<\/p>\n<p>Ein Journalist versucht, sich ein Interview mit einem Taliban-F\u00fchrer vorzustellen:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Salaam, Jamat Bin Jihad Bhai<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Walaikumaslam!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>How are you today?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Why do you want to know?<br \/>\n<strong>Just asking, sir.<br \/>\n<\/strong>You ask too many questions.<br \/>\n<strong>But I\u2019m here to interview you!<\/strong><br \/>\nNo, I will speak and you will listen.<em><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/em><strong>But \u2026<\/strong><br \/>\nShut up, damn fool man!<br \/>\n<strong>But \u2026<\/strong><br \/>\nQuiet, or I\u2019ll have you beheaded!<br \/>\n<strong>Gulp!<\/strong><br \/>\nWhat?<br \/>\n<strong>I gulped.<\/strong><em><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/em>Gulped what?<br \/>\n<strong>Err \u2026 air perhaps?<br \/>\n<\/strong>I thought I told you no questions!<br \/>\n<strong>But \u2026<br \/>\n<\/strong>Keep quiet, you kaali\u00a0 chapati!<br \/>\n<strong>Kaali chapati?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s what you insects eat in Karachi, don\u2019t you?<br \/>\n<strong>Do we? And what do you guys eat?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Is that a question?<br \/>\n<strong>Gulp!<br \/>\n<\/strong>You gulped again.<br \/>\n<strong>Yes.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Are you drunk?<br \/>\n<strong>No!<br \/>\n<\/strong>I think you are. I\u2019ll have you flogged.<!--more--><br \/>\n<strong>But \u2026<br \/>\n<\/strong>Shut up, infidel! 80 lashes for you!<br \/>\n<strong>That\u2019s not fair!<br \/>\n<\/strong>Okay, 75.<br \/>\n<strong>But \u2026<br \/>\n<\/strong>Keep quiet. Now tell me, why did your newspaper send you here?<br \/>\n<strong>We want to know why your people have been flogging young girls?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Stupid question.<br \/>\n<strong>How come?<br \/>\n<\/strong>That\u2019s now two stupid questions. Back to 80 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>But, sir, why are you always lashing and flogging and beheading?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Stupid question number three. 101 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>So be it!<br \/>\n<\/strong>Really?<br \/>\n<strong>Yes.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Okay, 79 lashes.<br \/>\n<strong>But why?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Because we are Muslims!<br \/>\n<strong>So are we in Karachi.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Nonsense! You all are pagans and women!<br \/>\n<strong>Women? That\u2019s a gender.<br \/>\n<\/strong>How dare you! 109 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>Huh?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Is that a question?<br \/>\n<strong>No, I mean \u2026<br \/>\n<\/strong>Shut up, damn fool man! There is only one gender. Male!<br \/>\n<strong>How can you say that? God made women too.<br \/>\n<\/strong>1,000 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>But why?<br \/>\n<\/strong>For committing sacralige.<br \/>\n<strong>But I didn\u2019t!<br \/>\n<\/strong>You said God made women too.<br \/>\n<strong>But he did!<br \/>\n<\/strong>Quiet! 1,070 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>Huh?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Another stupid question.<br \/>\n<strong>No it\u2019s not.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Is so.<br \/>\n<strong>Is not.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Is so.<br \/>\n<strong>Is not.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Is so.<br \/>\n<strong>Is not.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Is so.<br \/>\n<strong>Okay, is so.<br \/>\n<\/strong>What?<br \/>\n<strong>I said, is so. I agree with you.<br \/>\n<\/strong>It\u2019s a sin to let an infidel agree with you! 3,000 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>But it\u2019s your sin!<br \/>\n<\/strong>I am sinless!<br \/>\n<strong>But you kill, destroy, spread mayhem, behead, lash and flog!<br \/>\n<\/strong>Thank you.<br \/>\n<strong>You\u2019re actually proud of this?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Just booking my place in paradise. You should too.<br \/>\n<strong>Really? How?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Here.<br \/>\n<strong>That\u2019s a suicide jacket.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Yes. It\u2019s cold up here. Wear it.<br \/>\n<strong>But I already have a jacket on.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Yes, but it doesn\u2019t have the heavenly warmth of dynamite.<br \/>\n<strong>But I\u2019ll die if the dynamite explodes.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Sure, and so would many other people around you.<br \/>\n<strong>But why should I kill them?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Because you are a true believer.<br \/>\n<strong>Oh, for heaven\u2019s sake!<br \/>\n<\/strong>Exactly.<br \/>\n<strong>Can we get back to the girl\u2019s flogging issue?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Wait a minute. Here, you see this goat?<br \/>\n<strong>Yes.<br \/>\n<\/strong>This is an educated goat.<br \/>\n<strong>Excuse me?<br \/>\n<\/strong>We are replacing girls\u2019 schools with schools for goats.<br \/>\n<strong>But goats are animals!<br \/>\n<\/strong>So are women.<br \/>\n<strong>Oh, for heaven\u2019s sake!<br \/>\n<\/strong>Exactly.<br \/>\n<strong>But why are you educating goats and not girls?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Because goats don\u2019t talk back and aren\u2019t immoral.<br \/>\n<strong>But men can be immoral too.<br \/>\n<\/strong>They can?<br \/>\n<strong>Of course.<br \/>\n<\/strong>I think you are trying to distract me with secular philosophy.<br \/>\n<strong>Tell me, what\u2019s an educated goat like?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Like this one, here.<br \/>\n<strong>Yes, but it\u2019s like any other goat.<br \/>\n<\/strong>So what should a goat look like, a dog?<br \/>\n<strong>I mean, how is she educated?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Educated goats eat less grass.<br \/>\n<strong>That\u2019s crazy.<br \/>\n<\/strong>That\u2019s a scientific fact.<br \/>\n<strong>Since when are you into science?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Oh, I know all about science. A djinn taught me.<br \/>\n<strong>A djinn taught you science?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Yes.<br \/>\n<strong>Can I see him?<br \/>\n<\/strong>He\u2019s gone to Karachi. He does a TV show there.<br \/>\n<strong>A TV show?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Yes. He knows all about the conspiracies being hatched against the Muslims.<br \/>\n<strong>Really?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Yes, for example, recently he proved how the rays coming from the pyramid-eye on the dollar bill are creating earthquakes and the energy crises in Pakistan.<br \/>\n<strong>And you believe that?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Of course. Don\u2019t you?<br \/>\n<strong>No.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Infidel! 19,000 lashes!<br \/>\n<strong>But I thought you were against watching TV.<br \/>\n<\/strong>I am.<br \/>\n<strong>Then what is your djinn doing on TV?<br \/>\n<\/strong>Educating goats.<br \/>\n<strong>Oh, for heaven\u2019s sake.<br \/>\n<\/strong>Exactly.<\/p>\n<p><em>Nadeem Farooq Paracha can be reached at nadeemfparacha@gmail.com<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>W\u00e4hrend die Taliban die Entspannungspolitik der pakistanischen Regierung im Swat-Tal offenbar als Aufforderung betrachten, nun auf Islamabad vorzur\u00fccken, versuchen die s\u00e4kular gesinnten Teile der pakistanischen \u00d6ffentlichkeit ihren Galgenhumor zu behalten. Ein Beispiel aus der Tageszeitung &#8222;Dawn&#8222;, die in Karatschi erscheint. Ein Journalist versucht, sich ein Interview mit einem Taliban-F\u00fchrer vorzustellen: Salaam, Jamat Bin Jihad Bhai [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":54,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[152,154,167,172],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aussenpolitik","category-curiosa","category-islamismus-und-terror","category-pakistan"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Interview mit einem pakistanischen Taliban - J\u00f6rg Lau<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blog.zeit.de\/joerglau\/2009\/04\/23\/interview-mit-einem-pakistanischen-taliban_2262\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"de_DE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Interview mit einem pakistanischen Taliban - J\u00f6rg Lau\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"W\u00e4hrend die Taliban die Entspannungspolitik der pakistanischen Regierung im Swat-Tal offenbar als Aufforderung betrachten, nun auf Islamabad vorzur\u00fccken, versuchen die s\u00e4kular gesinnten Teile der pakistanischen \u00d6ffentlichkeit ihren Galgenhumor zu behalten. Ein Beispiel aus der Tageszeitung &#8222;Dawn&#8222;, die in Karatschi erscheint. 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